Believing Your Own Awesome

At what point do you let yourself believe your own Awesome? I had two clients pay me very big compliments over the course of the last 24 hours. And in both instances, my initial thought was “phew. Pulled that one off!” Really? What is that? Why not let myself believe I am exactly what I am to them and what I’ve been to countless clients over the last 7 years? I have two theories on that. The second is probably the most likely. So let’s start with the first. The first is if I let myself believe my own awesome, then I’ve got an ego. And having an ego means I’m a full of myself, class A jerk. It could also mean I stop working to learn and challenge myself. I lose my hunger and my edge. I also realize most of that is likely complete lies I tell myself. Like I said, it’s a theory.

So onto theory #2. If I believe it my own awesome, then it’s real. And that is scarier than any ego I’ve ever come up against. It means I am truly as good as they say I am. And that means I can go as big as I’ve ever wanted to go. I think that’s been true for a long time. But it’s easier to stay small. To quietly make enough money to contribute to my household, pay for the extras, take my family on vacation. But going bigger (which I really do want), means really going bigger. Saying out loud what my clients say to me. That I really am awesome at what I do and how I do it. That those ideal clients are truly attainable. On a consistent basis. I know that because they are happening.

I pour my true heart into my craft. I light up when I do it. If you’ve worked with me, you’ve seen the pure joy I do not hide when I glance at the back of my camera. Like a little girl.

So, there it is. Plain and simple. We are our own roadblock to believing our awesome. It’s easier to be “good.” Great is overwhelming. I’ve told many people in my life, I am painfully self-aware. I know my potential and I know what keeps me from achieving it. Stupid self-awareness.

And by the way, if you’re waiting for me to provide an all-encompassing answer to get past this, I don’t have it. But I’m certain I’m not the only person who feels this way, so I’m sharing. I will figure it out, in time, as I’m a constant work in progress. 

In Giving We Receive

One of the things I love most about owning my own business is that all decisions about what I do and don’t do with it, are mine. Most specifically when it comes to donations of time and photos. I go with my gut and I give when it feels right. I’ve learned, time and again, that when you give with your heart, you get back in more ways than you imagined. Funny how that works. And giving feels good. It’s contagious. In this particular instance, it wasn’t me doing the giving. I simply got to be a part of a beautiful gift friends came together to give to another. Kara was diagnosed with breast cancer a little more than a year ago. She caught it early and as a result, she was able to beat it. But not without undergoing a double mastectomy in the process. It was not comfortable. Often painful. But completely worth it.

A mother of two beautiful girls and the wife to one of the funniest guys I know, Kara has long been entrenched in her community, heavily involved with her girls, their school and their activities. She’s made lots of friends and if you met her, you’d know why. I met her through my brother and sister in law years ago and we’ve been friends since. And when Kara needed a boost and something to be excited about, her friends stepped in.

My sister in law, Courtney, reached out to me months before the surgery, telling me a large group of friends wanted to pool their money and buy Kara a family photo session with me, covering prints and products, as well. And did they ever. Photos that celebrate her family, her triumph over breast cancer, her support for the cause and of course, her new “hoots.” It was a fun, gorgeous afternoon, shooting at one of my favorite Maryland locations, capturing the laughs and beauty of some people I love dearly. It was awesome! So, thank you to all of Kara’s friends who allowed me this honor.

It was in their giving that I, and Kara’s family, received.