Year in Review

I still look back at starting this journey more than 5 years ago and remember how afraid I was to start. What if I failed? Fell flat on my face? I had a hard time even saying I had started a business. I kinda felt like a fraud. That's a distant memory now. 2015 was a better year than I could have imagined. And rather than talk about it, I picked some of the many highlights from the year to share. Thank you to all who made it such an amazing year. From the cities and beaches of NJ and PA and all the way to Chicago. I'm beyond grateful.

Today I Turn 39

Today I turn 39 and I woke up in tears. Tears that have been staying in since Thursday night when we were once again in the ER with Ryan, a kid that has had an IV more times than his Dad and I combined. Turns out, he’s OK. But he gives us a run for our money every time. Because he is OK and my job is to make sure he knows and feels that, I didn’t let myself feel it. So this morning, I turned 39 and I climbed into bed next to him and I let myself cry. One part release that I hadn’t given myself at 2 am Thursday night. And one part realization that I may not make it to 40. Because if my heart gets any more full, it’ll burst.

Gratitude is a word I hear a lot. Yoga teachers love it. And that’s not a knock on them. We should be reminded of it regularly. But sometimes when you hear something a lot, it loses its impact. This morning, I’m feeling it in a way I’m not sure I have before. I’m grateful that Ryan is healthy. So so grateful. But I’m equally as grateful that Casey is the most resilient child I know. She rolls with everything without fear. And with poise and grace. She got carted off to Aunt Meg and Uncle John’s at 10 pm Thursday and thought having a sleepover on a school night was better than Christmas morning. And I’m grateful for the many people in our lives we are lucky to have come to call family. They are the people who are taking care of things before you can even complete the ask. They know what you need before you do and they’re on it. Many of them stayed awake on Thursday night so that we weren’t alone, even if they weren’t physically with us.

And again, he’s ok. So all of that aside. I don’t think I could want for anything more on my 39th. We have managed to create a life that has our children having many parents, not just two. And has me having the sisters I never had. The women who walk alongside me, cheer me on, hold me up, if necessary, and ensure I celebrate it all. And I say “we” have created this life because I can’t remember a time when it was just mine. Henny is my complement. My person. And the only person who may appreciate the kind of man he is more than I do is Casey. She adores her Daddy in a way I could have only hoped and prayed. He shows her how a girl should be treated. And he shows her how to make a mean jump shot. Two essentials in life.

We’re also two of those lucky people who get to say we love what we do for work. I’m beyond grateful that Casey and Ryan will know loving your career is possible. As long as you work for it. We’re approaching the one year mark on our forever home and it was the best decision we’ve made to date. We have parents who are proud of us and still guiding us no matter how old we get and a brother and sister-in-law who are probably always going to be the first people we’d choose to spend time with. We have friends who have become family and children who are healthy and laugh more than they cry. So like I said, I may not make it to 40. My heart won’t be able to take it.

Miracles Do Exist

Two out of the last three years, I’ve worked with the family of an honest to goodness miracle. Was to be three out of the last three, but Grayson fell ill on the day of our shoot last year and had to spend the day at CHOP. When I first met her, she was not yet 2 and was hooked up to oxygen. You could only tell if she was crying by her facial expressions. She did not make noise. But she’s long been off oxygen and she’s surpassed most predictions made about her to-date I just had the opportunity to photograph Grayson’s family again and I wanted share some images (from both 2013 and 2015) and information about this amazing girl. But the story is not mine. It’s Grayson, Stephanie and Tom’s story. So I’m letting Stephanie tell it. Thank you Stephanie and Tom for bringing me into your lives. Grayson is an inspiration. A miracle.  And you both are true examples of the strength of a parent's love for their child. Miracle. That is the word I use when I describe my special little girl.

On July 21, 2012 I was not feeling well and had pain in the back of my neck. I figured I slept on the pillow wrong and caused my neck to be stiff. I remember laying down on the couch and my husband and dog were sitting next to me. Next thing I know it was 4 days later and I was waking up in a hospital bed and was told I had my baby girl who was fighting for her life.

 I had sudden eclampsia with a seizure (and to think that I had a perfect exam the week before).  Over time I have had some brief memories come back, such as remembering it being dark out and hearing choppers from a helicopter and telling a dark haired man to not hurt my baby. This was me being airlifted to Jefferson University and talking to the doctor on flight. The doctors had informed my husband and parents that if they did not deliver the baby soon she and I could both die.

 Grayson was born at 26 weeks weighing 1lb 3oz and 11 inches. She fit in our hands. She was given a 10% chance of surviving the day and has a grade III brain bleed that never resolved.  She surpassed those odds and continues to defy so many, such as being told that she would never walk.  Today all she does is run!  We had to wait 34 days before we could even hold her. She was in the NICU for 236 days (a week shy of 8 LONG months). There were several times during those months where we didn't know if she would make it but whatever challenge was in her way, she pushed it aside and survived. It's an experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but one I am thankful for because it taught me so much about myself and the meaning of strength and believing in miracles and the power of prayer. She was on oxygen until she was a few days over 2 and she is still gtube fed because she will not eat solid food.

 In March 2015, a few months before she turned 3, Grayson was diagnosed with Autism. We had a feeling for a while due to the "signs" (loss of speech, stimming behaviors, lack of engagement with others).  It's been hard to swallow her diagnosis some days (as a Mom I feel robbed at times, having a preemie and now a child with autism nothing has been "normal" but then again what is normal??). Grayson is nonverbal but has so much expression with her eyes!! I feel like we are on this journey and given the incredible blessing of our daughter for a reason. We do all that we can each and every day to help Grayson.  She is a very happy little girl who loves to run, swing, and give hugs and kisses.  She has taught us so much about life and we celebrate each and every milestone and we will continue to do so. I know I will be jumping from the rooftop whenever she says mommy again!!  She is proof that miracles do exist.

In Giving We Receive

One of the things I love most about owning my own business is that all decisions about what I do and don’t do with it, are mine. Most specifically when it comes to donations of time and photos. I go with my gut and I give when it feels right. I’ve learned, time and again, that when you give with your heart, you get back in more ways than you imagined. Funny how that works. And giving feels good. It’s contagious. In this particular instance, it wasn’t me doing the giving. I simply got to be a part of a beautiful gift friends came together to give to another. Kara was diagnosed with breast cancer a little more than a year ago. She caught it early and as a result, she was able to beat it. But not without undergoing a double mastectomy in the process. It was not comfortable. Often painful. But completely worth it.

A mother of two beautiful girls and the wife to one of the funniest guys I know, Kara has long been entrenched in her community, heavily involved with her girls, their school and their activities. She’s made lots of friends and if you met her, you’d know why. I met her through my brother and sister in law years ago and we’ve been friends since. And when Kara needed a boost and something to be excited about, her friends stepped in.

My sister in law, Courtney, reached out to me months before the surgery, telling me a large group of friends wanted to pool their money and buy Kara a family photo session with me, covering prints and products, as well. And did they ever. Photos that celebrate her family, her triumph over breast cancer, her support for the cause and of course, her new “hoots.” It was a fun, gorgeous afternoon, shooting at one of my favorite Maryland locations, capturing the laughs and beauty of some people I love dearly. It was awesome! So, thank you to all of Kara’s friends who allowed me this honor.

It was in their giving that I, and Kara’s family, received.

Always Room for More

I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way, but I can only speak for myself. I believe that the busier I get as a Mom and business owner, I can convince myself that I don’t have time to invite in anything more. And sometimes that spills over into the “friend” arena. Let me explain. I am so very blessed to have lots of good friends from the many different stages of my life. I’m good at keeping touch and do my best to stay connected with the people I feel have impacted my life. But when I first stopped working full-time outside of my home and I started this business, I was so lonely. I wasn’t sure how to do the stay at home thing. I was starving for people. Even though I came back to live where I grew up, not all of my old friends and I were in the same routine.

Then came preschool with my oldest and I met a wonderful group of moms who I have come to call friends. We did playground dates in nice weather and gatherings in our homes in bad weather. Not long after, I started getting into the grade school and sports activities with both new and old friends whose kids are of similar ages. I was getting into a groove and finding my niche. In addition, my business had also started to grow and I was feeling very comfortable and confident in my new normal.

So when my son started preschool and I began meeting yet another new group of moms, my initial instincts were that I was “good.” I had enough friends and enough going on that I wasn’t sure I had time or room for more. Ridiculous, I know. Because once I started to embrace it, I can’t even imagine not having this group in my life. We were each other saviors this past school year. Boys need to keep moving. And we managed to help each other keep them doing just that. And when I had a shoot or someone else had an appointment or work, we were always able to rely on each other. We are heading in a few different directions this school year with preschool over and kindergarten starting, but I am so grateful to have gotten to know these women and their families.

And then I was lucky enough to welcome one of them into the other part of my life. Jenny asked me to do their family photos many months ago. She’s a planner. She has to be. Her husband’s schedule is crazy and his available time is minimal. I always get a little nervous when friends ask me to do their photos. Especially new friends. What if my work isn’t exactly what they wanted? What if I select the wrong location? What if the kids don’t want to work with me that day?

Per usual, the worry was all for naught. Everything turned out great and I’m so thrilled with the outcome. Jenny, thank you for not only trusting me with documenting some of your family’s time in Philadelphia, but for being such a great planner for our crew. So welcoming and warm. And thank you for making me realize how much room I always have in my life for new, great people.

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